Went Back to Work - EEK!

I'm a new mother of an adorable 3 month old boy named Daniel. He's a good baby and I've been so blessed!  Good baby or not, this working mother gig is no joke.  I couldn't wait to go back to work towards the end of my maternity leave.  I had conflicting feelings some days because of course it would be heartbreaking to leave Daniel for the first time but on the flip side of things, I really was excited to go back to my routine.  Well I thought it was going to be my old routine but boy was I in for a huge surprise.   I knew that things have changed and that I would have extra responsibilities to attend to.  However I never knew it would overwhelm me the way that it does.   

I have my son, two dogs and a husband.  So basically I have 4 kids some days lol   My husband tries to be helpful and he means well but I never feel like it's enough.  Most of that is my fault because I'm so controlling that I won't delegate anything to anyone ever!  That's something I'm going to have to learn how to do.  I will admit that I need help now.  I can't do it all.  I tend to think that I can.  Mothers are seriously super humans! I have so much more respect for myself and women in general since becoming a mother.  The pregnancy and delivery experience alone is amazing but that's a whole other topic.  Being a mother is a job that no one really prepares you for.  You can read books and blogs all day long and think you are ready.  Ha!  Jokes on you, trust me.  I'm the queen of research and preparing myself for situations and this time that did not benefit me one bit.

Let me first say that I am not at all complaining about my new life.  I'm just being completely honest about how this feels and trying to keep it real here.  I've been fortunate that I married an amazing man.  After years of fertility struggles, I finally have been blessed with a beautiful son.  In the middle of all that, we bought our first house.  Life is pretty good.  But along with all the good stuff comes more work.  Sure you can say I'm being selfish thinking I wouldn't have to work hard to keep all these things going.  You can say that.  I am selfish.  Aren't we all?   I'm just humbling myself enough to admit it out loud.  When I went back to work I realized how selfish I really am.  I'm annoyed that I can't just get up in the mornings and take care of myself.  I have a husband to prepare things for, dogs to feed and a baby to take care of.  It's a lot of work  so I don't have the option to sleep in or to be "running late".  Getting home from work doesn't mean I can plop myself on the couch and just relax.  I have to come home, take care of the dogs, take care of the baby, make dinner, prepare things for the next day.......yea it's a busy evening.  And I only have ONE kid.  I often wonder what it's like to have more and I don't know how women do it. I really don't.  My sister has 4 daughters all approximately 2 years apart from age 4-10.  I look at her in a whole new light now.  SHE is a super human!  

This week I had a breakdown which is what prompted me to start writing and getting my feelings out.  If I can make one mother out there feel better knowing it's ok and this is normal, I will be happy.  When I broke down, it was out of no where.  I literally was making Daniel's next bottle and started to cry.  Daniel was crying, the dogs were bothering me to go outside, dinner was in the oven and I knew i needed to check on it, my house is a mess and I HATE that.....things were feeling out of control.  I hate not having control.  Guess that's something I will need to get over though huh?  

Yesterday morning went smoothly for the first time and it made my whole day!   As I was celebrating, I had to stop myself and remind myself that I can't expect that to happen every day.  So do NOT set an expectation (I have a bad habit of doing this with everything in my life).  No expectations from now on.  That's going to be my new thing.  Anyone who knows me knows how hard that will be.  But in order for me to adjust to this new life, that's what I need to do.

Well this was my introduction blog.  I hope to bring a little humor to the table when talking about my experiences.  Speaking of that..........Daniel just farted and well Cyrus (my pug/boston terrier) thinks someone knocked on the door so he's barking and woke up the baby.  lol Seriously dog!  UGH!