Never Say Never

I remember when I would sit back and dream about being a mother.  I had plans.  I wanted to do things a certain way.  I knew I would NEVER do something this way or that way.  Boy have I been taught a lesson! 

Never say never!  You really don't know what your baby will be like.  You really don't know what you will be like as a parent.   There are things in life that you might be able to predict or prepare for.  Raising a child is not one of them.  I've always been told this but didn't get it til now.  I always thought having 4 nieces that I've watched grow, I knew so much about babies.  Ha!  Far from the truth.   I didn't even know how to register for my own baby shower.  I gave my sister my passwords for both websites and told her to just fill it up.  There are so many details.  So many things that you don't know about until you are living this life. 

I'm going to cut to the chase here.  My son still sleeps with me.  Yes I said it.  Let me see how many people want to judge me now.  I swear I, never in my life, have been judged as much as I am now that I'm a mother.  And trust me, I've had a fun and crazy life in my single days.  But being a mother has really put me out there.  People can be so mean!  Everyone knows better.  Everyone has an opinion.  It's really sad that we can't all just support each other.  I'm not saying I've never judged another parent for something they've done.  We all do it.  But stand back and try to understand why they do what they do.  Or how about this......mind your own business.  If I ask for advice (and I have), then I open up the flood gates and expect to get opinions from both sides of the spectrum.  Then I can't really complain.  However, delivery is important people.  If I ask for advice, don't attack me for the decisions I've made.  You can explain why you chose to do something the way you have but I don't need you attacking me.  We should be learning from each other, not walking away from conversations feeling beat down.

So back at it; my son sleeps with me.  Some days I feel really bad about this and guilty.  I always said I would never do this.  I know it's probably best for him to sleep on his own.  I do want him to be independent.  But he's only 3 months old!   I'm sure I have time to work on this.  I've been putting him in his crib for naps and I have been laying him down at night.  If he wakes up and is crying, guess what?  Yes he comes to bed with me.  I work full time.  I need my sleep.  I'm fortunate that my son sleeps through the night.  Well with me he does.  Yes I know it's going to be a process to get him to sleep on his own and through the night now too.  We will get there.  I'm sure of it. 

Not only do I finally want to do this for Daniel but I need it for me.  I've realized, since my breakdown last week, that when I put him in his crib, that gives me MY time.  I feel so good when he's sleeping in his crib.  I get to spend time with my husband, myself or do some things around the house without worrying about him.  So in the end, I do need to get him in his crib for both of us.  In the meantime, don't judge me when I say he sleeps with me.  I know you will ask.  You all do!  And I'm not going to lie about it just to avoid the conversation.  If you got your baby to sleep in the crib right away, good for you.  Pat yourself on the back and move on.  I'm sure there's something I do that you wish you could so we're even.  That's how I look at it.

I used the "sleeping in the crib" story because that's what I seem to be judged on the most.  It's really not fair.  As parents, we should stick together.  We all know that raising a child is not easy.  We all know how hard it is to let go.  And for any fathers reading this.........if the mother of your child tells you she doesn't struggle with some things and you think it's all good at home, she is lying to you.  She doesn't want you to know how hard it is.  She wants you to think she's "got this".  So stop bragging about your women.  Be proud.  I applaud a man for being proud of his wife/girlfriend/female friends but the bragging needs to stop.  I have a no bragging policy. I'm proud that Daniel sleeps through the night but I've never made it seem like I'm doing something better than another person.   I won't make anyone feel bad because they haven't accomplished the same goal.  Or make anyone feel bad because that just isn't one of their goals.  Maybe they like their baby sleeping with them. I know I do.  It's our choice how we handle any and all things associated with our children

I could go on and on about all the things I've already been judged for.  At the end of the day, it's my baby and I'm pretty confident that he's going to turn out just fine.  He's a happy baby and that's all I could ever ask for.  My main goal on a daily basis is to make that little boy smile.  Our days are filled with smiles.  So guess what, I'm doing my job :)