In the beginning when I first had my son, I swear I thought I was going to lose my mind because everything is baby baby baby. I was so lonely during my maternity leave and for a minute I thought I was depressed. After my hormones started to settle I felt so much better but I started to miss the old me. I wanted to go out and spend time with my friends but it's so hard to leave that little baby behind. The guilt is almost unbearable some days. So my plan was to have my friends come visit me at home and hang out. I just moved into a new home before having my baby and it was nice to be able to host. I obviously am a first time mother because not only did I not realize that my son wouldn't really let me "hang out" but I forgot how much work it can be to host gatherings.
Now this is what made me think to write about this in the first place. Since I started hanging out with my friends again, I'm realizing how hard it is to maintain friendships. I am so busy now that I went back to work. I honestly don't remember who I have and haven't talked to. If you don't reach out to me sometimes, I probably don't remember to reach out to you. And for those that make an effort to keep in touch with me, I really do try to return the effort. I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago who doesn't have kids. She made a comment about how mothers need to also keep in touch with their friends without kids just as much as we expect them to stay in touch with us. I do agree with that. However, we need a little support and patience from everyone. If you haven't heard from me in awhile, reach out! I promise you I'm not mad at you or trying to avoid you. I don't have time to dislike someone or consciously try to avoid someone. Trust me, it's not you, it's me. I'm busy. Being a new mother is a hard transition. Juggling work, family and friendships are the hardest things I've ever done. I want to keep my friendships. I really do. But if you don't have patience for my new life and you are taking my absence personally and are waiting for me to call/text/email/visit you, I'm sorry. No time. No time. No time.
Friendships will definitely change in other ways too. For example, when you don't have children and you come by and want to tell me about your fun filled weekends with drinks and dancing.........I probably hate you at that moment. But only if I'm actually paying attention. Because I probably already blocked out what you are saying and am paying more attention to my baby or thinking about the 100 other things I could be accomplishing at that very moment. Once in awhile I can tune in and enjoy your stories. Once in awhile I still like the gossip. It makes me feel "involved" and still part of the group. I'm happy you are living it up and you should! Unfortunately my brain only works in a few modes right now and my party and gossip modes are on OFF. If I look uninterested in your stories, I'm so sorry. I really want to be interested. I really want to be excited and truly feel excited for you. I really do. Now if you want to talk about what kind of formula your baby is on and if he/she is rolling over on their own yet.......well yes we can talk forever about that. My brain understands that kind of talk. If you don't have kids, our friendship definitely will and has gone through some changes. I'm not saying we can't be friends anymore. I'm just saying things have and will change. I've finally accepted that and I hope that you can too.
Um but you better still invite me EVERYWHERE! Mothers, especially new mothers, still want to be invited everywhere so they feel included. Plus there might be that one time when the stars and planets are lined up perfectly and we can have a kid free night out! It's been 4 months for me, I wonder when that will happen. Ha!
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