True Story!
Monday, August 4, 2014
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Am I still able to be a good friend?
In the beginning when I first had my son, I swear I thought I was going to lose my mind because everything is baby baby baby. I was so lonely during my maternity leave and for a minute I thought I was depressed. After my hormones started to settle I felt so much better but I started to miss the old me. I wanted to go out and spend time with my friends but it's so hard to leave that little baby behind. The guilt is almost unbearable some days. So my plan was to have my friends come visit me at home and hang out. I just moved into a new home before having my baby and it was nice to be able to host. I obviously am a first time mother because not only did I not realize that my son wouldn't really let me "hang out" but I forgot how much work it can be to host gatherings.
Now this is what made me think to write about this in the first place. Since I started hanging out with my friends again, I'm realizing how hard it is to maintain friendships. I am so busy now that I went back to work. I honestly don't remember who I have and haven't talked to. If you don't reach out to me sometimes, I probably don't remember to reach out to you. And for those that make an effort to keep in touch with me, I really do try to return the effort. I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago who doesn't have kids. She made a comment about how mothers need to also keep in touch with their friends without kids just as much as we expect them to stay in touch with us. I do agree with that. However, we need a little support and patience from everyone. If you haven't heard from me in awhile, reach out! I promise you I'm not mad at you or trying to avoid you. I don't have time to dislike someone or consciously try to avoid someone. Trust me, it's not you, it's me. I'm busy. Being a new mother is a hard transition. Juggling work, family and friendships are the hardest things I've ever done. I want to keep my friendships. I really do. But if you don't have patience for my new life and you are taking my absence personally and are waiting for me to call/text/email/visit you, I'm sorry. No time. No time. No time.
Friendships will definitely change in other ways too. For example, when you don't have children and you come by and want to tell me about your fun filled weekends with drinks and dancing.........I probably hate you at that moment. But only if I'm actually paying attention. Because I probably already blocked out what you are saying and am paying more attention to my baby or thinking about the 100 other things I could be accomplishing at that very moment. Once in awhile I can tune in and enjoy your stories. Once in awhile I still like the gossip. It makes me feel "involved" and still part of the group. I'm happy you are living it up and you should! Unfortunately my brain only works in a few modes right now and my party and gossip modes are on OFF. If I look uninterested in your stories, I'm so sorry. I really want to be interested. I really want to be excited and truly feel excited for you. I really do. Now if you want to talk about what kind of formula your baby is on and if he/she is rolling over on their own yet.......well yes we can talk forever about that. My brain understands that kind of talk. If you don't have kids, our friendship definitely will and has gone through some changes. I'm not saying we can't be friends anymore. I'm just saying things have and will change. I've finally accepted that and I hope that you can too.
Um but you better still invite me EVERYWHERE! Mothers, especially new mothers, still want to be invited everywhere so they feel included. Plus there might be that one time when the stars and planets are lined up perfectly and we can have a kid free night out! It's been 4 months for me, I wonder when that will happen. Ha!
Now this is what made me think to write about this in the first place. Since I started hanging out with my friends again, I'm realizing how hard it is to maintain friendships. I am so busy now that I went back to work. I honestly don't remember who I have and haven't talked to. If you don't reach out to me sometimes, I probably don't remember to reach out to you. And for those that make an effort to keep in touch with me, I really do try to return the effort. I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago who doesn't have kids. She made a comment about how mothers need to also keep in touch with their friends without kids just as much as we expect them to stay in touch with us. I do agree with that. However, we need a little support and patience from everyone. If you haven't heard from me in awhile, reach out! I promise you I'm not mad at you or trying to avoid you. I don't have time to dislike someone or consciously try to avoid someone. Trust me, it's not you, it's me. I'm busy. Being a new mother is a hard transition. Juggling work, family and friendships are the hardest things I've ever done. I want to keep my friendships. I really do. But if you don't have patience for my new life and you are taking my absence personally and are waiting for me to call/text/email/visit you, I'm sorry. No time. No time. No time.
Friendships will definitely change in other ways too. For example, when you don't have children and you come by and want to tell me about your fun filled weekends with drinks and dancing.........I probably hate you at that moment. But only if I'm actually paying attention. Because I probably already blocked out what you are saying and am paying more attention to my baby or thinking about the 100 other things I could be accomplishing at that very moment. Once in awhile I can tune in and enjoy your stories. Once in awhile I still like the gossip. It makes me feel "involved" and still part of the group. I'm happy you are living it up and you should! Unfortunately my brain only works in a few modes right now and my party and gossip modes are on OFF. If I look uninterested in your stories, I'm so sorry. I really want to be interested. I really want to be excited and truly feel excited for you. I really do. Now if you want to talk about what kind of formula your baby is on and if he/she is rolling over on their own yet.......well yes we can talk forever about that. My brain understands that kind of talk. If you don't have kids, our friendship definitely will and has gone through some changes. I'm not saying we can't be friends anymore. I'm just saying things have and will change. I've finally accepted that and I hope that you can too.
Um but you better still invite me EVERYWHERE! Mothers, especially new mothers, still want to be invited everywhere so they feel included. Plus there might be that one time when the stars and planets are lined up perfectly and we can have a kid free night out! It's been 4 months for me, I wonder when that will happen. Ha!
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Never Say Never
I remember when I would sit back and dream about being a mother. I had plans. I wanted to do things a certain way. I knew I would NEVER do something this way or that way. Boy have I been taught a lesson!
Never say never! You really don't know what your baby will be like. You really don't know what you will be like as a parent. There are things in life that you might be able to predict or prepare for. Raising a child is not one of them. I've always been told this but didn't get it til now. I always thought having 4 nieces that I've watched grow, I knew so much about babies. Ha! Far from the truth. I didn't even know how to register for my own baby shower. I gave my sister my passwords for both websites and told her to just fill it up. There are so many details. So many things that you don't know about until you are living this life.
I'm going to cut to the chase here. My son still sleeps with me. Yes I said it. Let me see how many people want to judge me now. I swear I, never in my life, have been judged as much as I am now that I'm a mother. And trust me, I've had a fun and crazy life in my single days. But being a mother has really put me out there. People can be so mean! Everyone knows better. Everyone has an opinion. It's really sad that we can't all just support each other. I'm not saying I've never judged another parent for something they've done. We all do it. But stand back and try to understand why they do what they do. Or how about this......mind your own business. If I ask for advice (and I have), then I open up the flood gates and expect to get opinions from both sides of the spectrum. Then I can't really complain. However, delivery is important people. If I ask for advice, don't attack me for the decisions I've made. You can explain why you chose to do something the way you have but I don't need you attacking me. We should be learning from each other, not walking away from conversations feeling beat down.
So back at it; my son sleeps with me. Some days I feel really bad about this and guilty. I always said I would never do this. I know it's probably best for him to sleep on his own. I do want him to be independent. But he's only 3 months old! I'm sure I have time to work on this. I've been putting him in his crib for naps and I have been laying him down at night. If he wakes up and is crying, guess what? Yes he comes to bed with me. I work full time. I need my sleep. I'm fortunate that my son sleeps through the night. Well with me he does. Yes I know it's going to be a process to get him to sleep on his own and through the night now too. We will get there. I'm sure of it.
Not only do I finally want to do this for Daniel but I need it for me. I've realized, since my breakdown last week, that when I put him in his crib, that gives me MY time. I feel so good when he's sleeping in his crib. I get to spend time with my husband, myself or do some things around the house without worrying about him. So in the end, I do need to get him in his crib for both of us. In the meantime, don't judge me when I say he sleeps with me. I know you will ask. You all do! And I'm not going to lie about it just to avoid the conversation. If you got your baby to sleep in the crib right away, good for you. Pat yourself on the back and move on. I'm sure there's something I do that you wish you could so we're even. That's how I look at it.
I used the "sleeping in the crib" story because that's what I seem to be judged on the most. It's really not fair. As parents, we should stick together. We all know that raising a child is not easy. We all know how hard it is to let go. And for any fathers reading this.........if the mother of your child tells you she doesn't struggle with some things and you think it's all good at home, she is lying to you. She doesn't want you to know how hard it is. She wants you to think she's "got this". So stop bragging about your women. Be proud. I applaud a man for being proud of his wife/girlfriend/female friends but the bragging needs to stop. I have a no bragging policy. I'm proud that Daniel sleeps through the night but I've never made it seem like I'm doing something better than another person. I won't make anyone feel bad because they haven't accomplished the same goal. Or make anyone feel bad because that just isn't one of their goals. Maybe they like their baby sleeping with them. I know I do. It's our choice how we handle any and all things associated with our children
I could go on and on about all the things I've already been judged for. At the end of the day, it's my baby and I'm pretty confident that he's going to turn out just fine. He's a happy baby and that's all I could ever ask for. My main goal on a daily basis is to make that little boy smile. Our days are filled with smiles. So guess what, I'm doing my job :)
Never say never! You really don't know what your baby will be like. You really don't know what you will be like as a parent. There are things in life that you might be able to predict or prepare for. Raising a child is not one of them. I've always been told this but didn't get it til now. I always thought having 4 nieces that I've watched grow, I knew so much about babies. Ha! Far from the truth. I didn't even know how to register for my own baby shower. I gave my sister my passwords for both websites and told her to just fill it up. There are so many details. So many things that you don't know about until you are living this life.
I'm going to cut to the chase here. My son still sleeps with me. Yes I said it. Let me see how many people want to judge me now. I swear I, never in my life, have been judged as much as I am now that I'm a mother. And trust me, I've had a fun and crazy life in my single days. But being a mother has really put me out there. People can be so mean! Everyone knows better. Everyone has an opinion. It's really sad that we can't all just support each other. I'm not saying I've never judged another parent for something they've done. We all do it. But stand back and try to understand why they do what they do. Or how about this......mind your own business. If I ask for advice (and I have), then I open up the flood gates and expect to get opinions from both sides of the spectrum. Then I can't really complain. However, delivery is important people. If I ask for advice, don't attack me for the decisions I've made. You can explain why you chose to do something the way you have but I don't need you attacking me. We should be learning from each other, not walking away from conversations feeling beat down.
So back at it; my son sleeps with me. Some days I feel really bad about this and guilty. I always said I would never do this. I know it's probably best for him to sleep on his own. I do want him to be independent. But he's only 3 months old! I'm sure I have time to work on this. I've been putting him in his crib for naps and I have been laying him down at night. If he wakes up and is crying, guess what? Yes he comes to bed with me. I work full time. I need my sleep. I'm fortunate that my son sleeps through the night. Well with me he does. Yes I know it's going to be a process to get him to sleep on his own and through the night now too. We will get there. I'm sure of it.
Not only do I finally want to do this for Daniel but I need it for me. I've realized, since my breakdown last week, that when I put him in his crib, that gives me MY time. I feel so good when he's sleeping in his crib. I get to spend time with my husband, myself or do some things around the house without worrying about him. So in the end, I do need to get him in his crib for both of us. In the meantime, don't judge me when I say he sleeps with me. I know you will ask. You all do! And I'm not going to lie about it just to avoid the conversation. If you got your baby to sleep in the crib right away, good for you. Pat yourself on the back and move on. I'm sure there's something I do that you wish you could so we're even. That's how I look at it.
I used the "sleeping in the crib" story because that's what I seem to be judged on the most. It's really not fair. As parents, we should stick together. We all know that raising a child is not easy. We all know how hard it is to let go. And for any fathers reading this.........if the mother of your child tells you she doesn't struggle with some things and you think it's all good at home, she is lying to you. She doesn't want you to know how hard it is. She wants you to think she's "got this". So stop bragging about your women. Be proud. I applaud a man for being proud of his wife/girlfriend/female friends but the bragging needs to stop. I have a no bragging policy. I'm proud that Daniel sleeps through the night but I've never made it seem like I'm doing something better than another person. I won't make anyone feel bad because they haven't accomplished the same goal. Or make anyone feel bad because that just isn't one of their goals. Maybe they like their baby sleeping with them. I know I do. It's our choice how we handle any and all things associated with our children
I could go on and on about all the things I've already been judged for. At the end of the day, it's my baby and I'm pretty confident that he's going to turn out just fine. He's a happy baby and that's all I could ever ask for. My main goal on a daily basis is to make that little boy smile. Our days are filled with smiles. So guess what, I'm doing my job :)
Friday, July 4, 2014
Went Back to Work - EEK!
I'm a new mother of an adorable 3 month old boy named Daniel. He's a good baby and I've been so blessed! Good baby or not, this working mother gig is no joke. I couldn't wait to go back to work towards the end of my maternity leave. I had conflicting feelings some days because of course it would be heartbreaking to leave Daniel for the first time but on the flip side of things, I really was excited to go back to my routine. Well I thought it was going to be my old routine but boy was I in for a huge surprise. I knew that things have changed and that I would have extra responsibilities to attend to. However I never knew it would overwhelm me the way that it does.
I have my son, two dogs and a husband. So basically I have 4 kids some days lol My husband tries to be helpful and he means well but I never feel like it's enough. Most of that is my fault because I'm so controlling that I won't delegate anything to anyone ever! That's something I'm going to have to learn how to do. I will admit that I need help now. I can't do it all. I tend to think that I can. Mothers are seriously super humans! I have so much more respect for myself and women in general since becoming a mother. The pregnancy and delivery experience alone is amazing but that's a whole other topic. Being a mother is a job that no one really prepares you for. You can read books and blogs all day long and think you are ready. Ha! Jokes on you, trust me. I'm the queen of research and preparing myself for situations and this time that did not benefit me one bit.
Let me first say that I am not at all complaining about my new life. I'm just being completely honest about how this feels and trying to keep it real here. I've been fortunate that I married an amazing man. After years of fertility struggles, I finally have been blessed with a beautiful son. In the middle of all that, we bought our first house. Life is pretty good. But along with all the good stuff comes more work. Sure you can say I'm being selfish thinking I wouldn't have to work hard to keep all these things going. You can say that. I am selfish. Aren't we all? I'm just humbling myself enough to admit it out loud. When I went back to work I realized how selfish I really am. I'm annoyed that I can't just get up in the mornings and take care of myself. I have a husband to prepare things for, dogs to feed and a baby to take care of. It's a lot of work so I don't have the option to sleep in or to be "running late". Getting home from work doesn't mean I can plop myself on the couch and just relax. I have to come home, take care of the dogs, take care of the baby, make dinner, prepare things for the next day.......yea it's a busy evening. And I only have ONE kid. I often wonder what it's like to have more and I don't know how women do it. I really don't. My sister has 4 daughters all approximately 2 years apart from age 4-10. I look at her in a whole new light now. SHE is a super human!
This week I had a breakdown which is what prompted me to start writing and getting my feelings out. If I can make one mother out there feel better knowing it's ok and this is normal, I will be happy. When I broke down, it was out of no where. I literally was making Daniel's next bottle and started to cry. Daniel was crying, the dogs were bothering me to go outside, dinner was in the oven and I knew i needed to check on it, my house is a mess and I HATE that.....things were feeling out of control. I hate not having control. Guess that's something I will need to get over though huh?
Yesterday morning went smoothly for the first time and it made my whole day! As I was celebrating, I had to stop myself and remind myself that I can't expect that to happen every day. So do NOT set an expectation (I have a bad habit of doing this with everything in my life). No expectations from now on. That's going to be my new thing. Anyone who knows me knows how hard that will be. But in order for me to adjust to this new life, that's what I need to do.
Well this was my introduction blog. I hope to bring a little humor to the table when talking about my experiences. Speaking of that..........Daniel just farted and well Cyrus (my pug/boston terrier) thinks someone knocked on the door so he's barking and woke up the baby. lol Seriously dog! UGH!
I have my son, two dogs and a husband. So basically I have 4 kids some days lol My husband tries to be helpful and he means well but I never feel like it's enough. Most of that is my fault because I'm so controlling that I won't delegate anything to anyone ever! That's something I'm going to have to learn how to do. I will admit that I need help now. I can't do it all. I tend to think that I can. Mothers are seriously super humans! I have so much more respect for myself and women in general since becoming a mother. The pregnancy and delivery experience alone is amazing but that's a whole other topic. Being a mother is a job that no one really prepares you for. You can read books and blogs all day long and think you are ready. Ha! Jokes on you, trust me. I'm the queen of research and preparing myself for situations and this time that did not benefit me one bit.
Let me first say that I am not at all complaining about my new life. I'm just being completely honest about how this feels and trying to keep it real here. I've been fortunate that I married an amazing man. After years of fertility struggles, I finally have been blessed with a beautiful son. In the middle of all that, we bought our first house. Life is pretty good. But along with all the good stuff comes more work. Sure you can say I'm being selfish thinking I wouldn't have to work hard to keep all these things going. You can say that. I am selfish. Aren't we all? I'm just humbling myself enough to admit it out loud. When I went back to work I realized how selfish I really am. I'm annoyed that I can't just get up in the mornings and take care of myself. I have a husband to prepare things for, dogs to feed and a baby to take care of. It's a lot of work so I don't have the option to sleep in or to be "running late". Getting home from work doesn't mean I can plop myself on the couch and just relax. I have to come home, take care of the dogs, take care of the baby, make dinner, prepare things for the next day.......yea it's a busy evening. And I only have ONE kid. I often wonder what it's like to have more and I don't know how women do it. I really don't. My sister has 4 daughters all approximately 2 years apart from age 4-10. I look at her in a whole new light now. SHE is a super human!
This week I had a breakdown which is what prompted me to start writing and getting my feelings out. If I can make one mother out there feel better knowing it's ok and this is normal, I will be happy. When I broke down, it was out of no where. I literally was making Daniel's next bottle and started to cry. Daniel was crying, the dogs were bothering me to go outside, dinner was in the oven and I knew i needed to check on it, my house is a mess and I HATE that.....things were feeling out of control. I hate not having control. Guess that's something I will need to get over though huh?
Yesterday morning went smoothly for the first time and it made my whole day! As I was celebrating, I had to stop myself and remind myself that I can't expect that to happen every day. So do NOT set an expectation (I have a bad habit of doing this with everything in my life). No expectations from now on. That's going to be my new thing. Anyone who knows me knows how hard that will be. But in order for me to adjust to this new life, that's what I need to do.
Well this was my introduction blog. I hope to bring a little humor to the table when talking about my experiences. Speaking of that..........Daniel just farted and well Cyrus (my pug/boston terrier) thinks someone knocked on the door so he's barking and woke up the baby. lol Seriously dog! UGH!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)